Bois Locker Room Controversy: Psychiatrist Dr Sapna Bangar on why such groups are formed and how to combat it

Recently, a chatroom called Bois Locker Room was exposed and the screenshots of grisly chats of Class 11 and 12 students casually discussing gang-raping, sexualizing and slut-shaming went viral. They drew massive, anger, ire, shock and disgust of people across the country. Unfortunately, online communities like this one are very common where obscene messages and morphed photos of underage girls are shared by school students. As per some reports, members of the group are as young as 13 and the same has left many perturbed and led us to think how can students from prominent schools and well to do families can think like this.

Many people especially parents are tensed to know how young boys have become misogynist, aggressive and hardly have any respect for females? Debates and opinions on toxic masculinity, objectification of girls starting in school and more control on the internet soon started. There are several questions about the psychology of kids especially boys, parenting issues, punitive actions and prevention of such discussions looming after this case came in light. And that's why we asked Dr. Sapna Bangar (Psychiatrist), Head Mpower – The Centre, Mumbai, to help us solve our queries.

1. What is the reason behind such discussions among teenage boys?
Teenage is a time of lots of changes including biological, social and psychological. Hormones are developing in children taking them on the cusp of adulthood so they are growing in the physical sense. So there is a lot of curiosity about the opposite sex and sexual matters, but they are not yet mature enough to have developed a complete understanding of right from wrong. Add to that our cultural context of not talking about anything related to sex so the education that teenagers get is from inappropriate sources or from peers. This is a dangerous mix and highlights the drastic need of including sex education as part of the curriculum and giving teenagers the outlet to ask questions to appropriate adults.

2. Despite coming from good families, gaining on par education, why is it that some boys as young as 13 years of age still feel superior to girls or women?
Our culture, unfortunately, fosters the belief even in this day and age that boys are in some way superior to girls. This could be happening subconsciously but the gender role is somewhat skewed even in the educated sector of our society. So even when both parents are working, the responsibility of the kitchen still falls on the lady of the house. Some careers are more 'suitable' for men and we subtly try to discourage girls away from that. Not just parents but society in general including media, movies, stories are equally responsible for encouraging this thinking about what the role of each gender should be so there needs to be a fundamental change in society for this attitude to change in boys.

3. How can parents and the school help to tackle issues of toxic masculinity and patriarchy?
'Charity starts at home'. Children learn much more from actions than words or speeches. So if they see parents sharing the load of the chores at home, they take one step towards true equality. Try and use gender-neutral or sensitive language and toys. Challenge any biases when you come across them. Get your children to do the house chores equally so both boys and girls need to clean up after making a mess. Encourage children to take up sports. Never ask your little girl to give up on her dream to become an astronaut or discourage your boy from learning ballet if that is what he likes. Allow your children to express their feelings including encouraging boys to cry and girls to rage and rant. Encourage your children to play with kids of the opposite sex, this helps them familiarize with the opposite sex and in turn emphasize and learn to respect them.

4. How can we prevent such groups and discussion? What punitive actions are required?
The way to prevent such groups and discussions is to have children learn about empathy, sensitivity, consent, the concept of bullying and emotions from an early age. Prevention is always better than cure. We need to have mental health curriculum in every school to raise a generation that is sensitive, caring and empathetic towards each other. Punitive action may be required in extreme cases but mostly action should be towards restorative care and making the boys understand the implications of their actions and educating them as well as actions such as community service which will act more towards a true change in perspective rather than just a deterrent.

5. How can a sense of ‘entitlement’ in boys be tackled?
This sense of entitlement is imbibed by observing people and situations around them. So challenge the actions and beliefs in the boys before it becomes an unchangeable pattern of behaviour.

6. What changes social media apps should have to counter rape culture?
There has to be a stringent screening process for verifying age and content that has been shared on any social media apps so that people are aware that anything objectionable will be reported to authorities for further action. For example, everyone is aware that child pornography is something that is absolutely punishable and stringent action will be taken if you even try to search any of these sites but similar action is not assured for objectionable content for women. Inappropriate content is easily accessible to young impressionable minds which should be strictly looked into.