Is your boyfriend still in love with his ex?

As I sit with my headphones plugged in, my mind suddenly travels back in time to when I met him. He was kind, he displayed qualities of maturity, charming wit and courage, and of course, made me laugh like a complete lunatic. It was all too good to be true and I was having the time of my life. 

Days turned into nights and as time flew by, I soon found that I was developing an attachment towards him. And I didn't mind it. He too reciprocated and before we knew it, we were a 'thing'. 

Though I had only known him for a short while, it felt like I'd known him for aeons. We chatted for hours on the telephone, and we enjoyed each others company when we were together. I shared everything with him and he opened up to me like no one else did...

And THAT was the problem. 

When your boyfriend brings up his ex in a conversation and remembers her fondly, it's absolutely normal. However, when this happens one too many times, there's an alarm that goes off in your head. 

He told me he still texts his ex and that they're still friends. "Okay," I said. And I meant it. I was okay. But when he began to bring her up repeatedly, and soon I realised that I wasn't okay anymore. 

The fact that your boyfriend still gets along with his ex can be both good and bad. A man who maintains a friendship with the woman who came before you may demonstrate he has the ability to forgive and forget. Perhaps it reveals his positive attitude toward life and love in general, and the fact that you don't get upset when he sees his ex, reveals your trust in him. However, there are some situations when suspicion progresses to a justified fear (she is texting him at 1:00 a.m. and he is hiding the messages from you), that may cause you to go over the dreaded question in your mind - "Does he still miss her?" or "Is he still in love with her?"

Fast forwarding to 4 years later, I have the answers to those questions. And they're exactly what I was afraid of. Unfortunately, the man I loved was still in love with his ex, and though it was tumultuous to deal with back then, I can't deny that it taught me a great deal about love and life. 

If you're going through a similar situation and there's a red-flag alert in your mind, here are some simple ways to give you some clarity on whether or not you need to be concerned... 

1. He doesn't want anyone else dating her 

Maybe his ex-has recently started dating someone new and he has been in the most horrible mood since then. He is without a doubt jealous, and jealousy is the number one sign of having feelings.

2. He stalks her on social media 

You occasionally creep through his social media accounts to see who he has been stalking and the first name that comes up is hers. 

3. He's all about her 

Does he steal special moments by talking about her and the past? If he sabotages good times by piping up with a story about having exactly the same, or similar experience with his ex, he's clearly not over it. Especially if you notice the ongoing story becomes a memoir that he cannot stop himself from telling, and at the end of the saga, he releases a wishful sigh. 

4. Comparison 

Does he compare you to her way too often? When he does, do you feel as if ex is his ideal, and he secretly worships her, and nothing you do can live up to her? These kind of comparisons are insensitive and demonstrate his inability to move forward with a new partner. 

5. She's the first to know 

If your boyfriend still confides in his ex and she knows every major event in his life before you...ah..you've got your answer!

6. Relationship status 

If he's still not acknowledging your relationship publicly and says it's because he doesn't want to hurt his ex's feelings, it's a major sign. 

7. He looks flustered when he bumps into her

The next time you walk hand in hand with your boyfriend and bump into his ex, watch how he behaves. Does he let go of your hand immediately, or does he get flustered or mumble like an awkward prepubescent child? If his heart races or he starts sweating around his ex, she’s definitely been running marathons in his mind behind your back. 

8. He enjoys getting teased with his ex 

Does your boyfriend stiffen a giggle when you pull his leg with his ex? Well, men don't usually get shy. Instead, they get mad when they're being teased about a bad incident with an ex. Only if he's still somewhat into it, will he appear to have a glazed look of happiness on his face when you do that? 

9. He hasn't deleted her old texts 

Does your new boyfriend have loads of his ex’s lovey dovey messages? If yes, it's time to wake up and smell the roses! Seriously, which guy in his right mind keeps his ex’s old texts stored on his phone? There may be a huge list of texts, but deleting it is the right thing and only thing to do if he’s actually over her.

10. He gets offended if you talk about her 

As his current girl, there may be times you get miffed and pass a remark about his ex. If that sends him into a rage, it's not rocket science to figure that there's definitely a problem! 

In today's fast moving times, our generation is all about the change! We're restless as ever, indecisive as it gets and honestly, quite vindictive, eager to prove points and move on, without giving a past situation the mourning -time it deserves. The mourning period after any serious relationship that breaks, is crucial. This is because everyone needs that time to cry it out, recover and get it out of your system. Only then will you ever be able to give your whole heart to someone else. Only then will you be able to love again. 

Have you ever experienced a similar situation? Tell us in the comments below...