What not to do when you catch your partner cheating on you

Discovering your partners' unfaithfullness can be a shattering experience. Some are strong enough to deal with the overwhelming heartache, some endure the pain and are able to move on in some time and some might go completely berserk. Depending on each person's mental strength and threshold of pain, the reaction to catching your partner cheating on you can vary from person to person.
 

Love can be euphoric, blissful and beautiful but sometimes, unfortunately, it can be gut-wrenching and heart breaking. After a heartbreak, your mind can go into a crisis and the possibilty of you behaving irrationally and ill treating yourself or others around you can be high. Your emotional and bodily reactions are in a tangle and it's like one can have two natural insticts at this time - fight or flight. To battle the sadness or to run away from it. However, you must keep in mind that whether you choose the former or the latter, there are certain thumb rules you should keep in mind. 

Though it isn't the easiest thing to do and it's probably easier said than done, making some practical plans for coping with your reactions are necessary for your mental health. To help you out, we've broken it down to a few simple steps to what you shouldn't do if you ever happen to catch your partner cheating on you. 

Don't let the negativity get the better of you and follow these basic rules. We promise, it'll be okay. 

1. Don't blame yourself

Someone cheating on you is not your fault. You’re not responsible for it, you didn’t "deserve" it, and if your partner crossed lines instead of communicating their needs (or breaking off the relationship), that’s their problem, not yours. Don’t beat yourself up over someone else’s bad decision.

2. Don't try to get even 

It might make you feel better momentarily, to trash your 'cheater' partner on social media, or to slash the tyres of their shiny car.  You might even get a rush from cheating on them too. But "evening the score" is what opposing teams do, not two people who ostensibly love each other and are both dedicated to recovering from one person’s violation of the other’s trust. Right now, it’s important for you both to do what you can to feel like you’re on the same side again.

3. Don't be in a rush to heal from the hurt

Your partner’s betrayal could hurt in the same ways for the same reasons for a long time. Be patient with yourself as you process. There are going to be a lot of questions asked, and sometimes it’s going to be the same questions over and over again. You will try to rebuild your understanding of your partner and the relationship and that takes time. Yes, you could eventually realize that you’re not able to let go off what happened and that you need to move on from the relationship — but in the meantime, don’t rush yourself. If your partner is getting frustrated with answering the same questions and having the same conversations, question whether they’re really as committed to regaining your trust as they say they are.

4. Don't ignore his mistake 

You might be tempted to act as if nothing happened because it feels less painful, but if you do, any resentment you have will likely fester, and what’s more, you won’t address the underlying problems in the relationship. It could be possible that the infidelity really was a one-time moment of weakness or maybe it was an attempt by the cheater to find something they felt was missing in the relationship. Either way, figuring it out will bring you closer together and make infidelity less likely to happen again in future. 

5. Don’t bring up the infidelity to win unrelated arguments

According to Cosmopolitain, sex therapist Vanessa Marin has pointed out, "The fact that he cheated doesn’t give you the right to beat him up endlessly or bring his infidelity out as your trump card every time you get into another argument ... You have to be willing to let it go if you want to move on." This means that when you’re arguing about how you didn’t tell them you’d be out of town with friends all weekend, you don’t insert a "Well, at least I didn’t cheat on you" into the conversation. That’s not to say that if you’re hurting about the infidelity, you shouldn’t bring it up, but acting petty when you know better, doesn’t help anyone.