Cheating: Why married couples engage in infidelity

Heartbreaks are never easy to deal with, and once the ring is on the finger, it gets even harder. According to statistics, it is proven that between 40% to 60% of married men, indulge in extra marital affairs or engage in infidelity at some point in their marriage and the numbers are only increasing. 

So why does this happen? What are they searching for?  Well, while some people say it's the addiction to the dopamine that is released when a person lies and gets away with it, others claim that it's merely because there is plenty of opportunities out there and rarely does a person have the will power to let that go. However, cheating can have an endless amount of reasons and though some of them might be hard to stomach, they're real and need to be addressed. 

Today, our "modern" world knows heartbreak better than it knows love. We celebrate our cultures which have almost 50 percent of married couples getting divorced and almost one-fourth due to cheating and betrayal. 

The common man blames infidelity on certain 'issues' that can be worked upon in a marriage, but most of the time, we run from the important question - Are humans really capable of lifelong monogamy? 

Staying loyal to one single person throughout your life is doable for some, but the truth is, for a majority, it isn't exactly a walk in the park. Especially today, when we're sure we can let a relationship go because we'll find something else, something new. We've lost the patience to work on things that matter and we tend to search for instant fixes and temporary highs. That's when we stray. That's when we tend to look for happiness outside of our comfort zone. That new feeling, the thrill of a first touch, a connection without the baggage of everyday routine life, that's what we get addicted to. 

Often, what leads couples to cheat, is when either of them starts to feel inadequate. When spouses are not given enough attention and are made to feel that they're not enough, they look for that approval elsewhere. They look for a person outside of their marriage, that will make them feel like a number one priority.

All humans need their ego stroked at some point and a new found lover, is likely to keep that coming. This boosts confidence and makes a person feel more valued and wanted. However, what is to be noted is that this isn't long term and relationships like this fizzle out before you know it, especially since external validations are known to be short-lived. For anything to survive, the foundation needs to be strong. In this case, a mental, emotional connect and friendship.

According to relationship counselor R. Alford, "Cheating becomes an avenue to escape from routine. Be it a man or a woman, nobody enjoys a mastered day-to-day set routine. People seek the thrill of an adventure, of risk taking, of unfamiliar intimacy." 

Can we truly love two people at once? According to a leading website, Ramani Durvasula, Ph. D., clinical psychologist and a professor of psychology at UCLA, says, "We are complex and complicated beings, and it’s very possible that two different traits in two different people can both appeal to us. As you grow and develop as an individual, you might find yourself drawn to people who complement different aspects of who you are. Attraction is a very biological experience.” She added, "It's very possible to be in an established, committed relationship and suddenly meet someone at work who WHAM! makes your hormones crazy. That's just how we're wired." 

Well, the studies and theories behind cheating and infidelity have gone on for decades, and people are still trying to break it down to one simple thing. That is where we falter. There hasn't and there cannot be just one straight logic behind why a person chooses to stray. And while the answers are subjective, varying from couple to couple, one thing remains constant - We're humans and we're selfish. We're humans and we're flawed.