4 Red flags gay men ignore while dating

Love is deafeningly blind. When a guy catches our eye, we're willing to overlook all manner of flaws in the hope that they're 'the one. Of course, this isn't just a gay man's prerogative. However, years of dealing with internalised homophobia, of being made to feel ashamed of one's natural feelings, can leave many in the queer community floundering when it comes to forming meaningful partnerships.

Here are 4 red flags that gay men must look for while dating their new partners.

1. He doesn’t pay you respect

Take note of how your potential partner speaks to you. "Do they speak to you as if you are beneath them?" Do they ask for your feedback? Do they actively engage you to learn about you, or do they spend the majority of your time together talking about themselves?" Your partner must be mindful of how he communicates with you.

2. He wants to keep you a secret

Many men keep their sexuality hidden from their loved ones. Or perhaps they have a secret that they are trying to keep hidden from others. Worse, they may introduce you as 'my friend' at a function. If your suitor is unable to introduce you as you are, this is a sure sign that they are not as committed to the potential relationship as you are or that they have secrets they are keeping from their loved ones that will eventually cause problems.

3. Controlling and abusive behaviour

Emotional manipulation is a type of controlling behaviour and domestic violence is undoubtedly one of the most serious red flags. If you get a whiff of anything like that, you should abort. Accepting such behaviour, even once, establishes a precedent, and an abuser will always try to test the limits to see what he can get away with.

4. He’s not over his ex

Does his ex come up a little bit too often? Maybe he’s dropped into conversations randomly, or maybe he steers conversations toward him. Either way, it’s not something you want or needs to hear about. If your boyfriend keeps bringing up his ex, it could be a sign that he isn't completely over him.

You know that little voice in the back of your head that nags you to put an end to things? You should probably pay attention to it because it will not be passive-aggressive like your lover here.

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