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Trust Issues: Understanding the mind of an ever suspicious lover
Are you tired of the blame game? Here's the reason your partner is always doubting your actions...
In today's fast paced world, it has become extremely tough to be able to give all our trust, open heartedly to someone and to remain vulnerable and docile, without questioning someone's loyalty and intentions. And you can't really blame us, 'cause there's a plethora of options out there, that make us feel like maybe, at some point, our partners might find a better connection elsewhere. But what happens when this insecurity begins to exceed a healthy amount and becomes almost like a disorder, that anyway, becomes a hindrance to the very relationship we're trying to 'save'?
Celebrity relationship counselor, Mrs. Rashi Laskari chatted with us, to help us to understand the whole concept of trust issues.
Trust issues in people have escalated rapidly in recent times and the reason behind this is usually traced back to a person's childhood. A lack of trust between a parent-child relationship is often the cause that leads to attention seeking or suspicious behavior in adulthood. Not only that, there are a whole bunch of explanations to this pattern of behaviour, including a parents failure to deliver on a made promise, or the betrayal of trust owed to a sexual assault and so on. These experiences often trigger off unsettled conditions at a tender age, causing problems to arise in mature relationships, later. So even if a person is completely loyal to you, you might be compelled to think and believe that he /she is indulging in some underhand deeds.
According to Mrs. Laskari, if the one who is on the receiving end thinks that this issue can be resolved over time, they're wrong. "If we believe that by constantly coming out clean or satiating our partners, the pattern of mistrust would be put to an end, that is highly unlikely," she says. "What could possibly come out of that, would be the insecurity shifting from one area to another, but rarely does it go away completely," she added.
Tackling with a partner who is always doubtful can be quite a task and at many breaking points, one might feel like throwing their hands up in the air and walking out of the relationship. However, you have the desire to work it out and resolve the issue, come what may, the first step to dealing with this, is awareness.
Realizing that the problem is deeper rooted than it seems is the start to understanding your partner better. In all likeliness, the insecurities aren't only restricted to you, and could possibly be at his/her workplace, with their immediate friends and family members and other circumstances.
Once you are aware of the existence of this issue, the second step would be to try and get them to open up to you. A non-judgmental approach is always a good idea and if you find that too difficult to handle, getting them to seek professional help is the best. Addressing these issues help bring the unresolved root-cause to light, which lightens the burden to a great extent.
The third thing is acceptance. When the person on the receiving end shows acceptance towards a particular behavior, the impact it has on that person can be a positive one. Mrs. Laskari says, "Trust issues don't only mean 'I doubt you' , sometimes it means that 'I doubt my own capabilities to be in this relationship." Hence, once the person feels like he is being accepted for who and how he is, and will get unconditional support and love no matter what, the trust issues will gradually reduce.
Undoubtedly, negative attitudes are corrosive to the human spirit and too much suspicion can ultimately lead to heartache. Untrusting natures can ruin the best of relationships sometimes, and in life, there will often be situations over a period of time, that generate such attitudes. However, if the relationship is truly valuable to you, there is always a way to resolve these issues.
