Hello Therapist: My husband is ADDICTED to watching girls & dirty films online; I have threatened to leave him

Hello Therapist, 

I'm female got married since 8 years but my husband had pornographic and girls addiction.i fought with him day and night and explained very slowly as well and met with psychiatrist  but there is no use.we had 7 yrs boy.after we sleep he start watching in mobile searching for girls.he doesn't need relationship with me.he is ready to give divorce but he needs mobile and watching girls photos regularly. I am really exhausted watching this.even his best friends also told him to leave the addiction but he is not ready leave.can you please suggest any solution  of this problem.when he come to know family is important more than addiction.

Hello Pinkvilla Reader,

I can understand the situation you have been through, due to this problematic behaviour in your husband.

As you have already mentioned: 

1) Your husband has been constantly pre-occupied with pornography to the extent, he doesn't care for the family & the relationship with you. 

2) He can't resist this obsessive impulse to watch porn, even for a single day - since probably last so many years.

3) He seems to have lost interest in other important areas of life (family, work, personal, friendship) so as to watch porn at the expense of neglecting his social, occupational functioning & responsibilities thereby.

4) Am glad that you have consulted him to a Psychiatrist to seek help, since it is beyond the capacity of your husband or you to convince him enough to modify this behaviour.

The reason that I mentioned all above findings, is that you may understand that the problem of your husband as watching porn compulsively, is not just a wrong behaviour on moral grounds; but possibly a mental health disorder.

Initially, maybe as a means of experiencing some sensual gratification, this has turned out beyond just a habit and now appears to be a "Problematic & Compulsive Sexual Behavior". Just as any kind of substance addiction; this behavioural addiction in your husband has started having a detrimental effect not only on himself but on the family as well.

As anyone who gets hooked onto drugs isn't aware of the hazards of it on personal, family, professional, social, financial & other domains of life; the same way probably your husband is still in denial about how this Compulsive Porn watching is impacting the life of himself & the family.

I understand, it is the most difficult thing to convince him about the same but you need to keep on trying. Your husband needs an evaluation by Psychiatrist (although your previous attempt might haven't been successful) & the treatment accordingly. Some medications help to relieve this Compulsive behaviour and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy may be considered by the treating Psychiatrist, for a better outcome.

Compulsive Behavior has something to do with the brain circuits, that compels the person to watch the porn, despite being at a socially inappropriate place or time.

One more important advice I would like to give you is that, strictly avoid handling the mobile of your husband with your 7 years old son. Recently, due to online tutions, many kids have to use their parent's phone for academic reasons. Coming across any inappropriate content for the child (even though accidentally), may impact mental health of the child as well. Please be careful & rather than fighting with your husband, consider this as a disorder that your husband is struggling unknowingly & do seek the professional help. Being his wife, it may test your patience for the time his treatment lasts for a sufficient duration (maybe for few months at least). Seek help & TakeCare.

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Disclaimer: Hello Therapist is an infotainment feature. The information contained in these topics is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, it is provided for infotainment purposes only. By submitting your queries to Pinkvilla, you agree that we may use and edit it partially /full for clarity and ease of understanding of our readers. The advice given is not be used as a substitute for consultation with a professional psychologist or other professional health or medical provider.

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