EXCLUSIVE: It is okay to give a grieving person some time to heal, opines Expert

Learn to move on. Life has to go on, try and keep yourself happy. I am here to listen to you. Most of us might have heard these statements at least once in our lives. But does these really help? Or is it merely a lip service? Whatever it may be, but the fact of the matter is it is easier said than done.

Just like our physical wounds, mental ones too need equal time to heal, if not more. And it is okay to give a grieving person sometime to him or herself. After all, it is not always about rushing into things and moving ahead in life. A little pause here and then won’t hurt much.

Pulkit Sharma, a clinical psychologist, tells you that it takes anywhere between six months to a year for a person to cope with the loss of a loved one. And it is completely normal.

“We have heard many people asking us to be strong and move on. But why is that, that being strong means to move forward? It takes even more courage to hold on to someone or somebody. Giving a grieving person his/her time to heal should be normalised. They need time, both mentally and physically,” says Sharma.

He adds that there is a perception that forcing grieving people to open up and talk about the loss is helpful, however that’s not the case every time. “It’s a no-brainer that every individual is different. One may cope with something in a month, the other might not be able to do it even in a year. But that doesn’t mean they are not strong enough. We need to realise that forcibly asking people to share their thoughts won’t be of any help. It will further stress the person, both emotionally and mentally. It is even possible that s/he might not want to meet you the next time. It’s high time we realise it’s all about giving time and space and let the person open up to us gradually and when they feel like,” opines Sharma.

Moreover, if there’s anything you want to do to help a person come out of the pain, be with them, if needed and let the silence do the talking.

“Another common mistake that most of the people do is to never leave the person alone, thinking they might be crying all the time and will never able to come out of this pain. While this is correct in some cases, in others a little to time to cry the heart out can help the person shed the emotional burden,” says Sharma.

Why does one needs to be alone, you ask? Sharma is quick to answer, "A death of a loved one leaves behind a void that can never be filled, but only healed".

“See this as a sudden withdrawal from something that you have loved all your life. Will it be easy to get over it? The answer is a no. It takes time for the human mind to collect, recollect and process what has happened. There are people who go numb and take months to have the realisation. This is a very critical phase and it asks for empathy, care, love, time, and the most important space. So, make sure you give it all to a healing person and let them cry whenever they want without they having to feel embarrassed about it,” explains Sharma.

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