Domestic Abuse: Psychologist Krishna Dewani OPENS UP on therapies, red flags, abuser's mindset & more

Domestic abuse or violence is one of the biggest social evils of the society and the fight against it is still on. Many people think that the abuse is just restricted to physical violence, however, that is not true as it also encompasses emotional, sexual or psychological abuse as well. Name-calling, threat making, humiliation, blaming and similar behaviors are associated with the same. Again, there is a common notion that only women are harassed and abused, that's wrong belief as domestic violence can happen to anyone. However, as per statistics, women are most affected. Speaking of the victims, they often develop depression and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Some feel worthless and fearful among others as abuse can be dehumanizing. Sometimes, the negative feelings can drive victims to tread on wrong paths which can lead to self-harm and substance abuse as well.

And that's why survivors, should seek counseling to heal the scars and move on. Psychologists help to alleviate the same with the help of therapies, group counseling, psychotherapy and hypnosis among others. In an exclusive interview with Pinkvilla, Krishna Dewani, a psychologist, opened up on domestic abuse and red flags of it that one should know about among others. Read on.

How severe domestic abuse issue is in India?

Domestic abuse is very severe in India; though many cases are not reported, we know for a fact that the abuse takes place either physically or mentally and the sufferers are usually the women.

How you go about helping survivors as well as abusers?

It is not very often that the victims or abusers approach psychological help or counseling, but fortunately, as mental health issues are spoken about openly these days by the celebrities/personalities, commoners are also taking a step ahead in sharing their stories, issues and asking for help. We do get victims coming up and telling about how they are mentally tortured at home by their husbands/fathers/brothers and they don't know what they should be doing other than running away from home or committing suicide. So, in such cases counseling is provided to the victims to encourage self-esteem and confidence along with motivating them to have strong mental health so as to find solutions to the issues.

What are the red flags of domestic abuse that people should know?

In the case of the abuser, the red flags that one can look for are low self-esteem, egoistic, pampered/abusive childhood, poor listening, non-appreciative towards others, short-tempered, self-centered and violent. A person with these personality factors is likely to overpower his or her partner and perform abusive acts.

Can therapy help to bring positive changes in an abuser and the survivor? If yes, how?

Occasionally, the abusers visit psychologists for help as they realize their abusive behavior is causing a problem for their family and might ruin his/her life. These individuals can be provided help in the form of counseling and introspection as to what leads them to such behaviors and treat their own insecurities and ego issues. Counseling helps the victims/abuser to know their internal conflict and hence helps in finding solutions to the same so as to live a better and understanding life with their family.

What exactly is the mindset of the abuser? Why do they abuse their partners in the first place?

The mindset of most abusers is that they have a strong urge to feel empowered and show their superiority when this satisfaction is not obtained from the appropriate behaviour they tend to follow the path of abuse towards the victim so that they are obeyed and felt superior. Many times it is the trait of aggressiveness that runs in the family and so we get many cases where the daughter-in-law complains of mental abuse by all the family members. Again, family therapy helps in such cases and law comes in action when and where needed.

Some victims often ignore it and do not complain about it or take a legal route or go for counseling; they think it is fine, they endure it and they expect their partners to change. Comment?

There are times when the victim is too scared to file a complaint against the abuser in fear of more abuse if the abuser knows about the complaint and the court decisions not in the victim's favour. Psychologists and NGOs work together for the betterment of the victim's life in all means. Victims expect the abuser to change as they think that going against family is wrong and the society would not support such a decision, hence they choose to quietly suffer. This can only be changed by increasing awareness about the ill effects of domestic abuse and taking the victims into confidence to take a stand for themselves.

How helpful is counseling for a couple (who are already in an abusive relationship)?

Couple and family counseling helps majorly as both parties are made aware of the issues that are going on and their possible solutions. There might be personality issues, ego clashes, misunderstanding, aggressive and abusive relationship issues, which can all be resolved through counseling.